So Burger Guy swears Five Guys is like the best burger place ever in life (after DuMont of course), and has been bugging me to go with him so I can experience this so-called awesomeness firsthand. After he sent me enough picture messages of the burgers at Five Guys, I figured the only way to make him stop would be to finally accompany him to the West Village joint.
I decided to order the regular cheeseburger with grilled onions and grilled mushrooms. Burger Guy said I should order the double, but I thought that’d be too much meat. We also got some Cajun fries. At first bite, I thought…it was pretty good. But not worth the fuss over. It was sloppy and the bread was too soft. I mean, look at it:
And the fries were just too thick to be enjoyed.
Overall I thought it was just good, but definitely not the best burger I had. I can’t figure out what Burger Guy sees in them…I’m still a Shake Shack fan. Sorry BG.
And now, Burger Guy’s way more illustrious review:
Today we’re going to talk about Five Guys Burgers and Fries and how it kicks incomprehensible amounts of ass. I haven’t tried In-and-Out or Hodad’s in California, but so far Five Guys ranks high on my list of delicious semi-fast food burgers. Sorry Shake Shack.
So recently I checked out the West Village Five Guys location. The first thing you’ll notice about this place is the smell. It smells like a combination of griddled meat and what I imagine heaven would smell like. I noticed the menu said the cheeseburgers were about 840 calories each. Translation: Keep a defibrillator handy.
Burgers are supposed to be juicy and unhealthy. One time I went to this place called Better Burger which serves “healthy burgers.” It was so bad my friend started crying. He’s 30 and has a daughter.
Five Guys knows how to keep the meat really tasty despite cooking it well done. I’ll admit if I had to assign the presentation a letter grade it would probably get a G-. I don’t know how they managed to squish the food walking the four feet to our table. I’m betting it’s because they’re environmentally friendly. They don’t like to waste extra containers for fries so they just dump the fries in the bag on top of your burger –the fries that don’t fit in the styrofoam cup anyway.
I got a double patty cheeseburger with lettuce, raw onions, ketchup, mayonnaise and jalapenos. The jalapenos at this place are great. They’re not pickled and not too spicy either. They taste fresh and give the burger a little bit of a kick. (Kick your face off.)
Surprisingly, everything is held together nicely by the soft sesame seed bun. You have to chow down quick otherwise you’ll be left with a soggy mess. This will also happen if you’re dumb and put too many toppings on it like grilled mushrooms AND grilled onions. Just because they’re free doesn’t mean you need to put them all on. Calm down.
The fries here are tricky. They’re fried in peanut oil, and you can taste it. The plain fries aren’t the best, but their cajun fries are decent. Toss a little mayo and ketchup mixed together on them and they’re even better.
Anyway, everyone should totally check this place out. Remember to remove your shoes because it will knock your socks off. (See diagram)
-BG
P.S. PrezBo goes here regularly to get his face kicked off.
Haha! I have to agree w Burger Guy. It’s not a pretty burger, but it hits the spot!
You and Burger Guy should go bowling.
I agree with Shyema. Had it in houston and was disappointed. Why get 5 guys when you can get shake shack. Fries are better tho.
I agree with Burger Guy.
Sincerely,
Burger Guy
Thanks Tina…being the food connoisseur that you are really gives your comment that many more points.
Burger Guy, your vote doesn’t count twice.
Shy, I have no idea how you could NOT like the cajun fries. They are addicting!
And I recommend the kosher hotdogs with everything on them (really, I mean everything). YUM.
Fries are REALLY not good there. Sorry.
While I agree on the horrible presentation, I have to agree with Burger Guy. Five Guys burgers are just superior to Shake Shack’s. Yes, the bun can get messy, greasy, and difficult to eat when oil is urinating down your arm.. but the taste of the perfectly seasoned patty makes up for it. It’s cooked just right, with the cheese melted to perfection and just teetering on liquid goodness. I find the double burger filling, but the single patty always leaves you craving for more. The Shack Shack burgers just weren’t as memorable.
Sticking to the plain cheeseburger is your best bet! I must say I am a big fan of FIVE GUYS! I am really happy to see that you did a review on them! Keep up the good work Shyema!
The fact that it ‘urinates down your arm’ per Antonio speaks for itself. Thank you.
If only we could inject that burger urine directly into our arteries.
That’s just gross and unnecessary — kind of like their burgers.
Five guys is soo not what it’s cracked up to be in the grand scheme of Burgers in NYC. Not horrible. Good, decent, a good comfort fix. Definitely not knock your socks off good. Plus in true snobette fashion Iceberg lettuce is kinda tacky on a buger. I’d take Burger creations or even goodburger over five guys…Sorry Burger Guy : (
anyone who thinks five guys sucks should be banned from burger consumption, criticism, and any other burger-related activities. they should probably also make an appointment with a therapist as they are clearly not mentally stable.
Hello again my little butterfly. I happened to be in the area last night, as I was angling to jump on the free full-size cleanser Earth day promotion at the Origins store under the Flat Iron building. I decided to give Shake Shack another try. After waiting on line for 30 minutes, I ordered their cheeseburger and fries (and the Earth Day Milk & Honey concrete custard). The custard was nice and creamy, with a strong honey and subtle strawberry taste. The granola I was not thrilled with, since it tasted more like crushed walnuts. It was a tasty end to my meal of…. what did I have? Oh yeah.. a cheeseburger. I forgot what it tasted like. It wasn’t memorable. I’m craving a 5 Guys burger right now.
uff. was it the shackburger? if it wasn’t, doesn’t count.
five guys = too much hype. i’ve hit up tons of burger joints in the city, this one shouldn’t even be in the ranks of top burger places. Look for the new locations opening up for SHAKE SHACK in nyc, miami and DUBAI. yes. Dubai. you know a burger joint is an empire and the best burger place once it reaches overseas. SHEIKH SHACK. nuff said.
Thank you Shahla…voice of reason in my life and beyond…Sheikh Shack hahaha classic.
Hey Shahla,
Thanks for your comment. One time I took Shyema to this place called Joe’s. She said it was better than Di Fara. That is all.
Sincerely,
Burger Guy
I am late to the party, but I am convinced you had a one-off bad experience. I understand if you didn’t find it to be the best burger in the world, but it’s still legit AND the cajun fries are amazing. Maybe it’s because it’s best in its hometown of D.C.! I’m with Burger Guy on this one 🙂